It has gone much colder this last week and looking through my window into the garden I can see that the hawthorn hedge is slowly turning brown. The leaves on the plum tree are falling quickly to the ground and some of the plants are also dropping their leaves. The blackbirds and starlings are no longer to be seen and the many birds on the feeders include sparrows and goldfinches and there are rather a lot of them! One of the uneaten sunflower hearts has grown into a sunflower despite the foraging pigeons.
There are still butterflies and dragonflies around though. My son and I went out on his weekly visit to Naturescape a wildlife plant centre. Walking over the fields and into the woods we found an area of sunshine and away from the strong wind. There in the hedge were several butterflies, speckled wood ones mainly but there was a rather battered comma butterfly. There were quite a lot of darter dragonflies both male and females and as we walked back to the car we saw on another sunny hedge a beautiful southern hawker dragonfly and near by was a migrant hawker dragonfly. Dragonflies are amazing with their colours and so beautiful to see. It was quite an uplifting visit.
Back home I have been going through old craft magazines and looking to see what I can make. I have lots of small pieces of fabric so can make patchwork items. But this is all for the future. This week I have spent time with adult colouring books. I love some of these and although I have been told they are not art I know that a knowledge of colour is good for this particular hobby. I find that the time passes quickly when I am absorbed with the colouring, deciding which colours to use and where. Often you don’t see the pattern until you start to pout in the colours. I have also been reading on my Kindle as well as exploring a new set of oracle cards.
I am trying to do a bit of planning for the winter months when I am unable to go out but I am finding that quite hard as my motivation is not yet back to normal. But I am getting there slowly. I hope there will be more visits to parks and nature reserves before the weather gets too cold.
The restrictions on movement are beginning to take a toll on my mental health. For the first few weeks I decided to treat them as a retreat and did a lot of meditation and inner work. After that I decided to do more work on spiritual things and more Reiki going on to teach others as much as I could during this situation. I then took on other projects to keep me busy.
But what I miss most of all is the time out with friends, walking, talking and eating out. These have come to a full stop. I do get out with my son once a week and we go to nature reserves or areas where there is a lot of insect life as we both love insects of all kinds. One of the bonuses of being out with friends is the way the conversation stimulates. I have found a distinctive lack of creative ability recently and a lack of motivation to create. I have material, and thread, I have paints, pencils and sketch books but I don’t seem to have the motivation to create.
I have been reading lots of books on different subjects though and adding to my knowledge. However I really want to move house to somewhere with a few more adaptations which help me with my daily life like grab rails in various places and a walk in shower. These cannot be placed in my current home for various reasons so I have been trying to move things around to make life easier while I wait for more suitable accommodation. Falling over in the garden brings home how much help I do need although I am fiercely independent generally. I always have been and want to stay that way but I have to be sensible.
I found an article on pain this morning and how it is related to emotional states. I shall read this carefully and see if it helps. Although I have been told my pain is from the collective if that makes sense to you. Our world is in pain and many of its inhabitants are in pain so if I am carrying pain for the collective then I can see why I have so much pain. But is it that easy? However I shall carry on doing my best, staying hopeful and positive believing that there is a much better world ahead, maybe not in my lifetime but hopefully in yours.
In the past when I was working as a teacher there was no chance of pacing myself. Everything seemed rushed and very hectic as I tried to get everything done that needed doing. There was no chance to sit back and think about the best way to do something. I see others now in similar situations. Things needed to be done ‘yesterday’ was the buzz word not today. Every person was rushing around trying to do things. Of course this can lead to burn out so be careful how you work.
Nowadays I am busy but my own boss as it were and can choose when and how to do things. But I still have to pace myself. My ‘illness’ flares up and then it is time to rest and recover not carry on as normal. If I do too much as I often find myself doing, then a flare up arrives to slow me down. It is easy to get carried away on projects when you have a lot of interest in what you are doing and the days get away from you quickly until your body says stop. I know I am not alone in this but there are many younger people who are not aware of how their bodies work and carry on until their last breath failing to understand that we are not here just to work but to enjoy the world around us.
We are here also to take time to appreciate that world especially the natural world and the insects and animals that live in it as well as the plants. There is so much out there and it is good for mental health to have time outdoors and relax. We also need to understand how the species are interconnected and that includes us too. Too many of one species can make a difference to how many there are of other species and so on. There seems to be a lack of general understanding of how we and other species work together and how important it is that we recognise this.
So why are we rushing around trying to do everything as quick as we can? Is what we are doing important to us or to someone else? Why are we not spreading out the workload so it gets done quicker and easier? Pacing yourself is important if you want to stay healthy and enjoy your life.
Accidents are of course unplanned but can have catastrophic issues. Luckily for me my accident was a minor one but the injuries are still causing me pain. I always believed that things happened for a reason even if the reason was unknown. Mine was carelessness but maybe there was another reason. I have found in the past that when I am trying to do something or rushing around then something happens to slow me down or stop me. But I cannot think whay this would happen now.
However the ‘damage’ to my hands and knees as well as other bruised bits has stopped me from doing things I love like writing, sewing, crafting and cooking. So I have had plenty of time to think and reflect on my life at the current point in time. I know that the pandemic has stopped me from rushing around and I am much slower now so doing too much is no longer an option. I was trying to do too much in the garden when I feel up the steps though even though I delegate most of the garden work to someone else.
I have had accidents in my life before but nothing serious but I do know what it feels like when a part of your body doesn’t work right for a period time. I remember having my foot in plaster for 6 weeks and that curtailed a lot of activity. But when a hand is not working right then it opens up a new type of scenario. You don’t realise how much you use your hands until one doesn’t work right. In my case it was both hands but one was worse than the other. So everything thing you do as normal each day, washing, cooking, even cleaning my teeth took on a new dimension. Getting out and about came to a halt as I could not use my crutch to help me walk. But things are improving and I have spent time thinking and planning and watching the Tour de France on the TV.
But I have still not decided whether there was anything else behind this accident apart from my own carelessness. I knew when I moved here that the garden steps could be a problem but for two and half years I have been OK until now. I suppose it is easy to get complacent about things and take less care when doing something. There is a lot of complacency around at the moment with the pandemic and I wonder where that will take us. We have to learn from mistakes and minor accidents too.