Mixed feelings

The restrictions on movement are beginning to take a toll on my mental health. For the first few weeks I decided to treat them as a retreat and did a lot of meditation and inner work. After that I decided to do more work on spiritual things and more Reiki going on to teach others as much as I could during this situation. I then took on other projects to keep me busy.

But what I miss most of all is the time out with friends, walking, talking and eating out. These have come to a full stop. I do get out with my son once a week and we go to nature reserves or areas where there is a lot of insect life as we both love insects of all kinds. One of the bonuses of being out with friends is the way the conversation stimulates. I have found a distinctive lack of creative ability recently and a lack of motivation to create. I have material, and thread, I have paints, pencils and sketch books but I don’t seem to have the motivation to create.

I have been reading lots of books on different subjects though and adding to my knowledge. However I really want to move house to somewhere with a few more adaptations which help me with my daily life like grab rails in various places and a walk in shower. These cannot be placed in my current home for various reasons so I have been trying to move things around to make life easier while I wait for more suitable accommodation. Falling over in the garden brings home how much help I do need although I am fiercely independent generally. I always have been and want to stay that way but I have to be sensible.

I found an article on pain this morning and how it is related to emotional states. I shall read this carefully and see if it helps. Although I have been told my pain is from the collective if that makes sense to you. Our world is in pain and many of its inhabitants are in pain so if I am carrying pain for the collective then I can see why I have so much pain. But is it that easy? However I shall carry on doing my best, staying hopeful and positive believing that there is a much better world ahead, maybe not in my lifetime but hopefully in yours.

But words can never hurt me?

The title above is taken from the saying ‘sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me’. When I was a child and fell out with a friend or one of them was nasty to me, I remember all I got from my mother was that saying, and I was sent back out to play. But words do hurt and in some cases hurt so much that they drive a person to suicide.

Children can be very nasty to each other. Before the days of mobile phones, it was talking behind you back and name calling as you went by. Some parents were also guilty of saying things that hurt like ‘you’re useless’. If you are repeatedly told that you are useless, ugly or fat, then you start to believe that and think that way about yourself. This can last for many years as the hurtful words are remembered every day and they can build up into depression or hiding away from people so they don’t hurt you.

As a baby I had a mole or some kind of growth removed from my face. This left a brownish ridged scar. I got asked lots of questions about it and one teacher even complained my face was dirty in front of the whole class and sent me out to wash my face. My mother had to intervene and explain why my face looked dirty. Over the years I mainly forgot about the scar although as a teenager and persuaded by my mother I tried to cover it with make up. Not a good idea. However I have lived with it for over 70 years now and although my mother asked me before she died why I hadn’t done anything about it as it could have been made less conspicuous I didn’t really want to know.

Words do hurt and can continue to hurt for a long time. Words said in anger often hurt the worst and then it is harder to forget them. Some people never forget those hurtful words, whatever they are and the hurt gnaws away at their insides, making them ill. From my work with Reiki I understand how these hurts work in the body and how we carry them around like baggage. If we want to lead a good healthy life then we have to deal with that baggage and that can be very hard to do. Dealing with all those hurts means that you have to forgive those who said or did the hurts. This is where many come unstuck with dealing with their baggage. I don’t want to go into how to deal with the baggage here so I will finish by just saying ‘Words do hurt’ Think before you speak or as someone once said to me ‘engage brain before opening mouth’.

Moving on

The weather this week has been stormy. Dark clouds rushing along in the sky and heavy rain showers. The leaves are being blown off the trees like magic carpets rushing along. But there are still many beautiful coloured leaves around and of course the weather is making the fungi grow.

But like the storm moving onwards, my thoughts have been doing just the same. I have been going deeper in Reiki seeing it more as a spiritual path than as a system of healing. I find myself drawn to the Buddhist aspect of this but know that Buddhism is not for me. I know others who manage to meld together various different spiritual paths and make it one of their own. In some ways I have done this, taking a lot of knowledge from the Native American paths and mixing it with druidry. Now I am adding the spiritual aspect of Reiki to the mix.

If you ask 100 druids what druidry is you will get 100 different answers and I feel this is the same with Reiki and other paths. We are all individual and we are all unique and therefore our spiritual paths are unique to us too. I find that I take from each path what I feel is right for me and then I have this mix of different beliefs and paths. Is this something that you do as well or do you follow a specific path?

I am also moving on into the darker months of the year as many of us are, when I feel I want to create more, to journal more and to be restful. Somewhere deep inside me, is the germ of another book but it has yet to grow big enough to do something about it. Maybe the darker nights will encourage it to grow. But life is a journey and it goes on every day bringing more experiences, more joy and often more sadness as you get older. I have reached an age where many of my friends have passed on. I have to dig deep and continue to do what I need to do and also what I want to do and progress even more on my path. Moving on is a continuous process. How do you feel about this process?

Moving forwards

Moving forwards is how it feels so I hope I really am doing this. I have continued to work with the Reiki precepts this week and also taught my first Reiki student for some years. That was an amazing experience and an emotional one too. I have learned so much more about the Reiki energy and how to work with it over the last few years and I am still learning. I have found some good books about Reiki as a spiritual journey and these have given me many more ideas about deepening my work with Reiki. I feel different too which is good as the difference is for the better.

The weather this week has stopped me from going out a lot but I have been keeping an eye on a young swan on the nearby pond. He was pushed off the nature reserve by two dominant swans and is alone at the pond. He was rather battered when he arrived but there are plenty of us to keep an eye on him as dog walkers go past several times each day. I sent him some Reiki energy too and he has done well this week having moulted all his grey feathers and is now able to fly better. I have let the area round the pond have Reiki energy for some weeks now so that all that visits stays safe.

But the weather is cold, wet and windy here now. The wind has been coming over from Siberia bringing extreme cold air with it. The leaves are falling rapidly from the branches and there is a carpet of gold, red and brown leaves on the ground. I can see houses I didn’t see before as when I moved here the trees were in full leaf. It is going to be interesting watching the changing of the seasons here. I notice that we have more birds on the feeders and the squirrel is busy collecting food and hiding it away somewhere. It is time to stock the larder and find the woolly jumpers and thick socks so I am ready for the winter.

Are you ready for the cold of the winter?

If you work with any form of healing energy do you use it for the land around you?

Just for today

I have decided quite recently to start working with Reiki again. I have missed my daily sessions and meditations with Reiki. The Reiki precepts are not only for Reiki but suitable for use every day whatever your beliefs.There are many versions of the precepts but this is the one I like:

Just for today I will let go of anger

Just for today I will let go of worry

Today I will count my blessings

Today I will do my work honestly

Today I will be kind to every living creature.

Some of these can be quite hard at times. I am not one to get angry at others or things that happen but I do worry and find this precept quite hard to deal with. Yet worrying doesn’t make sense and I know this. I try to change the things I can change and learn to live with those things I can’t change. I always count my blessings, doing this every night before I go to sleep. Looking at what you have puts things into perspective when you see those who don’t have anything not even water in some places. We are so lucky in the western world.

I am honest and always have been and that can cause me grief as I do tend to speak my mind but try to think first before opening my mouth! I also try to be kind to every living creature including the spiders I don’t like but in general I feel I do this.

After all the recent stress of moving house and having the new bathroom, then working with Reiki has helped me greatly. I am no longer stressed and feel much happier in myself. I always understood that Reiki was not just about helping others to heal but about healing yourself and becoming who you really are and this has certainly worked for me. I am now at the moment where I am going much deeper into Reiki and the meaning of the symbols and everything that goes with Reiki. I am also now feeling able to teach others Reiki again and this does not have to be done person to person but can be done over distance so if you are interested then do let me know.

My photo this week is a butterfly, a symbol of transformation.

 

Getting going again

I have enjoyed a lazy kind of week as I have recovered from my vertigo and a strained muscle in my shoulder and neck. It has been interesting sitting doing nothing apart from lots of thinking and reflection. The writing of my last book triggered lots of thought about where I was going next. Should I write another book? Should I do something else? Then last night I thought  that I should be doing something with my Reiki. My massage therapist would like me to teach her Reiki and I have agreed to do this as I am sure both of us will enjoy the experience. The next thought following this was that maybe I should get Reiki back on my web site. It used to be there and for some reason I took it off at some point. Then another thought came about using a blog for this kind of healing work as well as some of the other things I used to do. And what about my music composing for use with Reiki?

In the past I also ran groups for those interested in what I called tools for your journey. These included meditation, interpreting dreams, using numbers in your life, using colour, astrology crystals and the tarot. These were what you would now call starter courses to see if you wanted to go deeper. I also did a lot of astrology and numerology myself and used to do free basic reports for people via the web. I quite miss doing this but there is so much else available out there now that I would be  working against many others. I am not interested in earning money but in using my gifts and knowledge to help others. What they give back to me is better than any form of money.

So what do I do with all this knowledge? I am sure those of you who read my blog every week and who also comment on it, can come up with some ideas. I really do enjoy reading your comments as they often confirm my own thinking. I think it is time to visit the pond in the current sunshine and sit and reflect up there. Maybe another idea will come to me.

Gifting or giving away

It has been a busy week sorting out things I no longer need. I am a great believer in recycling and like to give away those items I no longer need or have a use for. I generally use the Freecycle groups but this time there have been no takers. However I have found other groups so I am hoping that what I have to give away or gift, someone is out there to receive it. But I get many comments about this asking why I am not selling these items but giving them away. I know what it is like to have very little money so I am happy to help others and see what I give away as a gift.

But this brings me to something else about giving away and money. Many years ago when I first became a Reiki Master Teacher I checked out the current level of charges for this. I was amazed at some of the excessive prices charged and the advertising about someone’s teaching being better than another. For me Reiki was and still is a gift, one I am willing to share with others freely. But I still get ‘flack’ from others about this saying that I can charge for my time and get money that way. It is not about money! Healing energy is not about money at all. I have this gift and I wish to share it freely and when I trained Master Teachers myself I always chose students who have what I considered to be an ethical attitude. I remember looking at a web site some years ago and there were so many different kinds of Reiki  all charging a specific sum of money for a distant attunement and a manual. To me that kind of teaching is not teaching at all but this topic can take me down a different road so I will stop there and get back to the giving away theme.

Is it better to give something away to someone who needs it or to throw it away in the rubbish? Our rubbish tips are full of unwanted items so recycling them has to be good. Is it better for me to give away these items now or store them until after I have gone someone else throws them away?

Blessings and being thankful

It is a beautiful sunny morning here. A little chilly after a slight frost but really sunny with a clear blue sky. This made me think about how much I have. I may not be able to walk very well and sometimes have excruciating pain but I have a lot to be thankful for. I have a roof over my head, food and clothes, a small garden and a wonderful world around me.

As a Reiki Master Teacher I know the Reiki precepts;

The Reiki Precepts

Just for today I will let go of anger

Just for today I will let go of worry

Today I will count my many blessings

Today I will do my work honestly

Today I will be kind to every living creature

These could equally apply to everyone whether doing Reiki or not. If we all lived this way, what a wonderful world it could be. When I feel frustrated or depressed I think about these principles and they always lift my spirit.

Here is another photo of a scene that I find uplifting and refreshing.