Mixed feelings

The restrictions on movement are beginning to take a toll on my mental health. For the first few weeks I decided to treat them as a retreat and did a lot of meditation and inner work. After that I decided to do more work on spiritual things and more Reiki going on to teach others as much as I could during this situation. I then took on other projects to keep me busy.

But what I miss most of all is the time out with friends, walking, talking and eating out. These have come to a full stop. I do get out with my son once a week and we go to nature reserves or areas where there is a lot of insect life as we both love insects of all kinds. One of the bonuses of being out with friends is the way the conversation stimulates. I have found a distinctive lack of creative ability recently and a lack of motivation to create. I have material, and thread, I have paints, pencils and sketch books but I don’t seem to have the motivation to create.

I have been reading lots of books on different subjects though and adding to my knowledge. However I really want to move house to somewhere with a few more adaptations which help me with my daily life like grab rails in various places and a walk in shower. These cannot be placed in my current home for various reasons so I have been trying to move things around to make life easier while I wait for more suitable accommodation. Falling over in the garden brings home how much help I do need although I am fiercely independent generally. I always have been and want to stay that way but I have to be sensible.

I found an article on pain this morning and how it is related to emotional states. I shall read this carefully and see if it helps. Although I have been told my pain is from the collective if that makes sense to you. Our world is in pain and many of its inhabitants are in pain so if I am carrying pain for the collective then I can see why I have so much pain. But is it that easy? However I shall carry on doing my best, staying hopeful and positive believing that there is a much better world ahead, maybe not in my lifetime but hopefully in yours.

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