Reflecting on this year has been difficult. There has been so much change to the way we all live. When the first lockdown arrived I chose to treat the next few weeks as a retreat. This was good but I found it quite hard to do. I missed the company of others and the face to face chats. I did not have access to Skype or other similar media at that time and I felt quite lonely at times.
After a while I found solace in my garden, watching the birds nest and produce young and watching the plants grow. As time went by I found that the highlight of my week was when my son visited as part of my ‘bubble’. This made life much better and we were able to go out and visit nature reserves. This enabled me to go to places I could not have gone to otherwise as I do not drive. I found these visits inspiring and exhilarating as we saw species I had not seen before. I took many photos and decided to make a scrapbook of the garden and these visits. I have filled two scrapbooks so far and half of another one.
I tried to walk every day but this became far too much and there were far too many people around. I started research projects and creative things like sewing and knitting and have eventually settled into a different existence. I write more, create more and I am looking forward to meeting others when the time comes. In many ways I have become more insular both by myself and with my son in our ‘bubble’. It’s as if the world outside our small radius no longer exists.
It was not until quite recently that I went into town. I needed money from the bank and I missed my sewing and knitting magazines. My son came with me and helped me through the sanitising process of shopping in stores. But I find I am not really interested in going shopping. I have never been a shopper that browses and used to just go with a list and get what was on the list. I think that goes back to when I had very little money and could only afford what was essential.
But there have been days and weeks when I have felt very down and did not want to get out of bed. These times come and go and I expect are the result of the way of life I am now living. I feel for others in similar and in worse situations. At least I have a garden and a hedge full of birds. I used to enjoy the winter days when the sky was blue and the sun shone. This last month the days seem to have been grey and wet which I find quite depressing but I noticed that the blue tits have returned.
I have done a lot of reading, light fiction and other deeper stuff and have bought myself a webcam so now I have more learning to do. But life is a journey with many lessons on the way and it is true that you learn something new every day. Overall I have managed. Some days have been exceptionally good, others quite bad and then there are plenty of what I can only call passable days. But my way of life has changed in many ways and I have survived so far.
In some areas, the community have got together to make sure every one has what they need and to help those who cannot do shopping on-line or get other things. There has been a wealth of help for the vulnerable especially families who find themselves in poverty through no fault of their own. There is more caring going on too and this is good. Many have realised what is most important in life and it is not the latest phone or gadget or the latest fashion clothing.
I always felt there was a purpose for the virus, that it was meant to make us stop and think what we were doing in our lives, the way we were abusing our planet and how we wasted stuff. I felt the virus would disappear when we all realised that we had to change. But the virus is still here so what does that tell me? I think we have a long way to go and maybe with the effect of climate change we have left it too late. I am trying hard to stay positive about the future and holding a vision in my mind of a world where we live in peace and work together in peace and respect each other knowing that we all have a part to play and that these parts can be different for each of us.
So let’s see what 2021 brings. Happy New Year to you all!