Releasing and letting go

During this time of chaos while we build our new world it is good to do some releasing and letting go. This can be as simple as getting rid of things you no longer need such as clothes and furniture. Many have already done this.

But it is also good to get rid of those old habits which are not really right for this time. There are also old ways of thinking and these can go too being replaced by more pertinent ways and different ways of perceiving things. But what about all those feelings you hold tight to, feelings of hate, of dislike, of rejection, of injustice,etc? These too need to be released in some way and healed. You can then bring in the feelings of love, peace, justice, etc. This time is a transition time between the old world and the new one. Think about what you want in your new world. Do you want it full of hate and division or do you want it full of love and peace.

Remember that what you ‘put out’ or think about can become reality so concentrate on the good things. I have been doing a card for the day this week for a small healing group that I started on Facebook. There was a theme of transition, strength, honouring your inner knowing and about standing up and being counted.

So think hard about the new world you want to see and prepare for it by letting go of the things, emotions and thoughts that you no longer need.

Closure

There are many words in the English language that have added to or changed their meanings over the years. Closure is one of those words. It meant and still means the closure of coal mines and department stores for example. But it has now got another meaning, closure after an unpleasant time or experience. I suppose it still means the act or process of closing something even with its extra definition.

So closure is the feeling or act of bringing an unpleasant time or experience to an end so that you can start again. Closure could refer then to ending one job which was not pleasant and starting a new job. Once you got into the new job you could forget about all the bad bits of the previous job. But is it that easy?

What about separation or divorce? How easy is it to start again and forget the bad bits? If children are involved then this can make it even harder to let go of the past and move on. Letting go of the pain is hard but it needs to be done if you want to move on. You can make a conscious decision to let the pain and anger go but if this doesn’t work you can try to express your pain and anger. You can write letters to the other person but not send them. Instead you can burn them with the intent that the pain and anger has gone so you can move forward again.

You also need to ‘be’ in the present. Focus on what you are doing now and enjoy your life as it happens. The final thing you have to do is to forgive the other person and that is possibly the hardest bit of all. But if you keep the pain and anger inside you, it will make you ill later on.

But how do you have closure when someone dear to you dies? Our emotions at that time run deep and as the grieving process takes its course we think of closure. Personally I find that with a death of a loved one, there is never what you could call a proper closure. We learn to live with the fact that our loved ones are no longer with us. Our love does not die so we have to learn to accept that they are no longer here but closure, I don’t think so. You can move on and even find another partner but your life has changed from what it was before the death occurred so you look at everything and everybody through different eyes. Also grieving can take several years as you adjust to the fact that your loved one has gone.

Is closure something that we deal with and achieve, or is it a myth?

The Rainbow bridge and loss

Living where I do in a complex of bungalows for old people, there are always many who pass on to the next world. Over the last couple of weeks there have been three of these plus a couple of others I know so a sad time for many.

Loss of a loved one is often very hard to deal with although life does go on in some form or other. You never forget the loved ones but your life does change. I am old enough to have lost both my parents and my husband so I do know how it feels. The hardest parts are the daily living when there is no one else there with you but you do get used to it although that feeling of being alone never goes away however much friends and other family are around.

But loss is not just about those passing over as we lose friends for unknown reasons. They may decide they don’t want to be friends any more and more on to other pastures. This can happen in partnerships too as one partner decides to move on and away from their partner of sometimes, many years. I’ve also been divorced and this form of loss is also when grieving is needed. We have to learn to cherish the good memories and let the bad ones go.

I try even now to take each day as it comes and I am trying very hard to be positive about each day and in turn, not exactly ignoring the bad stuff, but letting it go so only the good stuff stays in my mind. I am finding this a very useful way of ‘working’ and it is changing my outlook on life when the days are dark. I now see them as a short passage in a longer brighter time. This positive outlook is helping me with my mobility problems and I am starting to feel better about my life. There are still bad days as there always were but I am coping with them better. Remember the good things not the bad ones.

Forgiving or letting go?

What is forgiveness? According to the free dictionary it is;

 – To give up resentment against or stop wanting to punish (someone) for an offense or    fault; pardon.

 – To relent in being angry or in wishing to exact punishment for (an offense or fault).

So is it easy to forgive and can you forgive people who hurt you? Or can you let it go but not forgive? The first definition states that forgiveness is about giving up resentment or stopping wanting to punish someone for something that have done. Some things are easier to forgive than others and there are some things that would be very hard to forgive. But let’s just think about forgiving others such as friends or relatives who have hurt us. If we don’t forgive then we can build up resentment so much that it makes us ill. Is this a good thing? Some times it may be easy to let hurts go but not quite forgive in the sense that we lose .trust in that person who hurt us and keep a distance between us so that they can’t hurt us again. Is this a good thing to do?

This brings me to the second part of the definition – stopping wanting to punish some one for an offence or fault. Tit for tat does not work. Gandhi stated that an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. So wanting punishment for someone who said nasty things about you is not really a good idea. I’m rather tired today and in a lot of pain, physical pain not pain caused by hurts. But I would love to read your comments and thoughts on forgiving others.