If only…..

We hear the words ‘if only’ so many times but what do we really mean when we say them? There are times when the words ‘if only’ are like a wish. If only it would stop raining or if only I had more money and so on. Some of these ‘wishes’ cannot be helped. We can’t stop the rain however hard we wish to. But there are some ‘if only’s that we can do something about. If the words are said in relation to something you have done or said then perhaps it is possible to do something about them. If you said something hurtful to someone and then wish you had not said those words then at least you can apologise. If you accidentally bumped into someone and pushed them out of the way, you can apologise then as well.

But what about the ‘if only’ I had more money, a better car, better health or a larger house, for example? What can you do about those. First of all you need to think carefully about why you want these things. Do you really need them? Why do you want a better or a larger car or house? Are they something you just want or would like or are they something you actually need? In today’s world, less is better generally so think about that. Think about the effect on the environment a larger car would make. Think about the energy used to heat a larger house.

If you often say things that are hurtful to others, then look at the reason why you do this. Is it because you are insecure in your own self or do you just like to hurt others? Look at how you control your thoughts and actions so that ‘if only’ becomes a phrase you do not use.

I often think ‘if only everyone could live together in peace and harmony’. Is this wishful thinking or is it something that I can work on, helping others to see that ‘if only’ can become something that is possible even ‘if only’ in small amounts. Like the ripples in the pond, wishes can spread out to others and maybe one day we will have peace and harmony in our world. If you can make your ‘if only’ work then do so.

Forgiving or letting go?

What is forgiveness? According to the free dictionary it is;

 – To give up resentment against or stop wanting to punish (someone) for an offense or    fault; pardon.

 – To relent in being angry or in wishing to exact punishment for (an offense or fault).

So is it easy to forgive and can you forgive people who hurt you? Or can you let it go but not forgive? The first definition states that forgiveness is about giving up resentment or stopping wanting to punish someone for something that have done. Some things are easier to forgive than others and there are some things that would be very hard to forgive. But let’s just think about forgiving others such as friends or relatives who have hurt us. If we don’t forgive then we can build up resentment so much that it makes us ill. Is this a good thing? Some times it may be easy to let hurts go but not quite forgive in the sense that we lose .trust in that person who hurt us and keep a distance between us so that they can’t hurt us again. Is this a good thing to do?

This brings me to the second part of the definition – stopping wanting to punish some one for an offence or fault. Tit for tat does not work. Gandhi stated that an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. So wanting punishment for someone who said nasty things about you is not really a good idea. I’m rather tired today and in a lot of pain, physical pain not pain caused by hurts. But I would love to read your comments and thoughts on forgiving others.