The title above is taken from the saying ‘sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me’. When I was a child and fell out with a friend or one of them was nasty to me, I remember all I got from my mother was that saying, and I was sent back out to play. But words do hurt and in some cases hurt so much that they drive a person to suicide.
Children can be very nasty to each other. Before the days of mobile phones, it was talking behind you back and name calling as you went by. Some parents were also guilty of saying things that hurt like ‘you’re useless’. If you are repeatedly told that you are useless, ugly or fat, then you start to believe that and think that way about yourself. This can last for many years as the hurtful words are remembered every day and they can build up into depression or hiding away from people so they don’t hurt you.
As a baby I had a mole or some kind of growth removed from my face. This left a brownish ridged scar. I got asked lots of questions about it and one teacher even complained my face was dirty in front of the whole class and sent me out to wash my face. My mother had to intervene and explain why my face looked dirty. Over the years I mainly forgot about the scar although as a teenager and persuaded by my mother I tried to cover it with make up. Not a good idea. However I have lived with it for over 70 years now and although my mother asked me before she died why I hadn’t done anything about it as it could have been made less conspicuous I didn’t really want to know.
Words do hurt and can continue to hurt for a long time. Words said in anger often hurt the worst and then it is harder to forget them. Some people never forget those hurtful words, whatever they are and the hurt gnaws away at their insides, making them ill. From my work with Reiki I understand how these hurts work in the body and how we carry them around like baggage. If we want to lead a good healthy life then we have to deal with that baggage and that can be very hard to do. Dealing with all those hurts means that you have to forgive those who said or did the hurts. This is where many come unstuck with dealing with their baggage. I don’t want to go into how to deal with the baggage here so I will finish by just saying ‘Words do hurt’ Think before you speak or as someone once said to me ‘engage brain before opening mouth’.
It has been another week of dark grey days with lots of rain and occasional flakes of snow. But it is the dark grey days that I do not like. I need light and warmth in my life in order to function. I started well at the beginning of the week as I was writing a new book then suddenly on Wednesday everything came to a stop. I was feeling depressed again and I am sure it is the dark grey days.
I used my SAD lamp for a short time and it did lift my spirits enough to do a bit more writing. But I shall be really glad when the weather improves. If the sun comes out I immediately feel better as I am sure we all do. Yet the landscape in winter has a beauty all its own. I love the bare trees with their gnarled branches standing out against the sky. I love to watch the birds on the feeder in the garden and see the hazel catkins swaying in the breeze.
We have been lucky where I live unlike many of my friends further north who have had large amounts of snow. Yet I think I would have preferred to see the snow rather than the grey dark rainy days we have had. The snow brings light to the landscape unlike the rain which just seems to wash it out into a greyish mass.
Soon it will be Imbolc, where we welcome Brigid. The snowdrops will be out then bringing their light and joy into our world. I am looking forward to this and to the lengthening days.
It is only in recent years that I have been visited by the black dog. I cannot remember it ever happening before about five years ago. I got very depressed at that time and wouldn’t go out or do anything. Counselling helped and I know how to deal with it. But recently it has happened more often and I am trying to find out why this is.
Up until about five or six years ago I was still very active and ran workshops and groups for various subjects. I have run a family history group for a very long time and that enabled me to meet others with similar interests. I also ran groups where we learned about colour, the tarot, numerology and other similar things.
Today I am much less mobile and have to use public transport to get anywhere and I do find this hard as buses never connect properly and you spend a lot of time waiting at bus stops. Every few months the bus companies change the timetables and this makes it even worse and also confusing. I do have projects on the go, for example, I am working with a group of other volunteers on a project with the local museum. I also have my own projects on family and local history to work on and possibly may start to run a family history group here where I live.
So plenty to do and a pond close by where I can walk every day at least once. But the black dog has been hanging around for some days now and visited me in a heavy manner the last few days. I do find it hard to live in confined spaces and I have heard others say they feel they are living in a cage and I suppose that is what it feels like at times. I like to feel space around me and lots of light and I have not had that anywhere I have lived in the last few years. That kind of home is hard to find. My mother used to tell me I should live in a field and I think maybe she was right!
But I am dealing with the black dog by making myself go out up to the pond and walk along the paths. I had company this morning, a local dog owner who has become a friend so that should make it easier now. If you get visits from the black dog, how do you deal with them?
This week has been quite strange but very uplifting in many ways. I don’t know what started it but the hour I spent in the park reading the script of a book I had written some time ago seems to be the beginning of the move out of the darkness that has been around me for some months now. On Wednesday I had a hospital visit for a clinic about preventing falls. This was very good and for once I felt that I was of importance to the medical profession and that they wanted to help me This made me feel much more positive about the future.
On Friday a friend came over and we chatted and did some odds and ends with which I needed some help. We also read the cards and some of the poetry I wrote ages ago. That evening I sat down and suddenly found myself writing poetry again after at least 12 months of stagnation. This was wonderful and I am now seeing my way out of the darkness. Not quite out yet but nearly there.
Do you ever have times like these? It is a bit like a rebirth or the phoenix rising from the ashes. Whatever you want to call it, it feels good! Please share any experiences you have of this kind.