Trying hard

During these chaotic months of 2020 I have been trying hard to stay positive but sometimes I fail to do so. For many little has changed during the restrictive periods while for others there have been massive changes. For those who live alone and are unable to get out and about, for those tied to the house or flat especially a high rise flat and for those who are disabled in some way, then this time has brought massive changes. Trying to stay positive when all you have known is no longer there and access to much needed services is not fully available then times are really hard.

It is easy to tell people to stay positive but you have to find something to be positive about. You can be alive but not living life. There is a big difference to living life in good ways and just being alive and sitting doing nothing. I have tried to fill my days with projects of various kinds but I am running out of ideas. I have knitted a lot of toys but what do I do with them. I need to find children who would welcome a knitted to to hug and cuddle. I have been writing a bit but have done the research but not the writing up so plenty to do there. I could draw or paint but don’t feel motivated or inspired to do that either.

I spent time in the garden but that is finished for the next few months and I am in too much pain to walk far. But I feel for those who are reliant on others for their everyday needs, for help with shopping and cleaning and for social visits. It is easy to get depressed too. I find I have days when I just want to hide way and hibernate especially now the days are short. I love music but sometimes I can’t be bothered to turn on the radio or the CD player. Technology for me is old type technology! I have a computer but I find I can’t do Skype or Facetime or Zoom as it just won’t work properly on my computing stuff. But then I prefer to see people face to face in real life. I prefer phone chats to texts as they feel more personal. Maybe I am just becoming a grumpy old woman! There is a lot to learn about how we treat others during this time and in the future. Maybe we will become a caring nation of people who look after others as well as themselves.

2 thoughts on “Trying hard

  1. Sometimes you just have to go with being fed up and not fight it too much. There are times even when things are normal we just cannot be bothered to do anything but just stare into space and wander through the memories of times gone by…when they were better ..or worse..It is a strange world we are growing old in..much if it makes no sense at all..other than it is doing what it is always done…finding its way into the future when the Sun rises again every day.

  2. Yes, we have these feelings and sometimes acceptance is needed rather than ‘must try harder’. Knowing whether to give ourselves space to just be, or to push ourselves a little for what we know will bring benefit is one of the wisdoms of getting older. Still practising! And it’s ok to have a good grump to clear the air, so long as we don’t make a habit of it.😊
    Just a thought about your knitted toys – if you have a local foodbank they may be putting together Christmas hampers/gifts and welcome donations of toys, or you can google ‘where can I donate toys near me’.
    Blessings.

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