There are many times in our lives when we upset other people. We may have been arguing about something and then words are said in the heat of the moment that cannot be taken back.How many times has that happened to you and what do you do next? How do you move on from this? There are many other times when we have to move on from events and when things go wrong. When your children grow up and leave home, you have to let them go and lead their own lives and you move on to doing other things with the time you now have spare. Even if you don’t see them or hear from them often, you always remember them and love them whatever way they have left, whether it is the normal way of growing up or after harsh words have been said.
We are often told to forgive and forget. I find it easy to forgive but much harder to forget and then of course it is harder to move on. I remember when I was younger and I fell out with my mother. We did not speak for several months until I needed help and then my father intervened saying life was too short to harbour grudges and then we had to move on. My mother and I made our peace but we never really forgot the reasons as to what had happened.
There are also times when you don’t know what was said or done but friends and family ignore you and lose contact. That is much harder as you do not know what caused the rift. But you do have to move on and trust that at some point all will be well in the lives of all concerned. I have found that generally after some reflection, I can move on. But then at certain times of the year, the loss of family and friends comes to the fore and you want to make amends and get together again. But it takes two to do this. I have a friend who has helped a family to come together after several years of no contact but it has happened now because the mother is very ill and my friend asked her if it was OK to contact her daughters and tell them about their mothers illness.But if we are meant to make contact again then it should not be when one or the other is at that stage in their life, although that is better than never having any contact again.
So moving on is important. You have your own life to live and you can’t spend it wondering what might have been. That is not good for anybody. So try to make peace if you can, but if not then move on and look after yourself and those still around you. Make the most of your life and enjoy it. If and when the time to make peace with those you have hurt, then do so and hug each other. A hug works wonders!
I don’t think forgive and forget is neccessarily helpful. Denying that pain was caused to ourselves or others can cause all sorts of inner problems and inhibit healing. Also if we ‘forget’ we can deny ourselves the opportunity to learn from the experience. I agree about moving on but it can be useful to reflect on things particularly as we get older/gain more experience and perhaps understand better why certain things happened.
I am currently looking after a Peace Lily plant I gave to my daughter in her teens after we had a rare falling out. It reminds both of us that the bond we have is stronger than any disagreements.